Wednesday, March 19, 2014


NOTE: I originally wrote this and replaced the actual numbers with letter amounts so as to hide the NUMBERS and hopefully prevent judgement about those numbers and stop you thinking about how large or small I am in person- then I realized (as I switched to My 600lb Life on TLC) that I am a whole lot better off in my weight issues than some. 

With that said, here comes the truth...and the real numbers.
Here's my average weight through the years:
High School:                       125 (JR size 3)
College:                              135 (JR size 5)
Post college/Pre-Marriage:  145 (JR size 7)
Wedding Day:                    154 (W size 6)
Pos. pregnancy test #1:       168 (W size 8)
Delivery Day #1 :                210 (yikes!)
Pos. pregnancy test #2:       190 (W size 12) - 9 months after DDay#1
Delivery Day #2:                 215
Then I was 195 for about 5 months (size 14), dieted for a bit and dropped to around 175. I was a size 10 at this weight for another 4-5 months, changed my diet again and have been at 160 (size 8) for about 8 months now.

I recently bought a size 6 pant from the LOFT and I love them because that number seemed so unreachable when you are looking at size 14 pants, that it was a miracle I squeezed into them!

So I bought some shorts yesterday.

They were a size 8. (And I have size 6 pants in my closet!) Think of all the weight I've lost in the past year! And the lifestyle changes I've made! I feel so much better!

However, I am still uncomfortable. I feel great, but not comfortable.

I look back at all these NUMBERS and I know they don't mean ANYTHING if I'm not comfortable.

Part of that is my own self-esteem issues (come on, you know everyone has them), and I know that. And I know the chances of me being the college 135 is very slim. And I think that's the biggest hurdle to get over.

At 160, shortly after being married, I still wore a bikini proudly.

Now, at 159, a bikini is SO not happening.

Same number but they look and feel so different from one another.

So, with that said, if I got to 135, would I feel as good as I did in college? Would I put on a bikini?
I'm not sure. I WOULD like to find out (considering that being 133 is what is medically considered an ideal weight for my height).

But then again, I know that the numbers mean nothing. What matters is that I feel comfortable.

I feel so great - it's time to get comfortable.


  1. I appreciated your honesty as you shared your journey. As I have gotten older I have begun to pay much more attention to my weight as well. I had gradually gained pounds here and there throughout the years. It happened so slowly over the years that I kept thinking the pounds would go away. They didn't. Recently, within the last 6 months, my husband and I decided to get serious about getting in shape. We chose to do this not just for the outward appearance but more so for overall good health. Knowing we have been living a healthier lifestyle has taken a lot of the stress off of me to be at a certain weight. I feel better and hopefully look a little better, too.
    Keep up the good work. Your body will thank you. Numbers are not all they're cracked up to be, go for good overall healthy habits!!
    Thanks again for sharing1

  2. I really do think it is about how you feel within reason. People with anorexia look sick, but the feel fat. You are doing great! Be careful! ;)

  3. You are so brave to be so honest here. It is often difficult to reconcile the way you feel inside with the way you feel/look outside. What do you think you'll do to feel comfortable? I'd love to know what lifestyle changes you made. Keep up the great work!